The love is gone.
We've been living in the same house but we just don't spend as much time together as we used to.
So after more than a decade together, Foxtel and I are "consciously uncoupling".
Sure, there's been good times with The Golden Girls reruns and the like, but if we're honest the spark has been missing for a while now.
When we first got together it was like my world opened up. I moved from having five channels to dozens. It was dazzling and intoxicating.
I couldn't wait to get home and be together. I would record more television shows and movies than I would ever have time to watch. It was my world.
Over the years, I started to notice the repetition. The same shows, over and over. Just how many Real Wives of (insert city) can there be?
To try and spice things up, Foxtel tried to change by adding new channels and new shows. But I didn't care for dance moms, tattoo parlours and cooking programs.
Then I started to notice how this love was beginning to cost more and more.
I wasn't looking for another, but then I met Apple TV and Netflix.
This duo has it all: Apple TV seemed so flexible, while Netflix (still technically not available in Australia) seemed so forbidden and thrilling. (And at $7 a month, a Netflix subscription is also about a tenth of the cost of a basic Foxtel package).
They just... get me. They let me watch any episode from any season of hundreds of shows, and at a time when I want to. It just feels so liberating.
Foxtel, I'll always treasure the times we've shared, usually on the couch over a meal and a bourbon, but by the end of the month it will be over between us.